Broken
by DarknessAngel013
Summary: Song fic/ poem fic to the song "Breathe You In" By TFK. Buffy's broken and alone, lying on a bed of bittersweet memories, wrapped in sweet black silk. Will she ever be able to stand again? Will he ever come back to her?


_**Broken: A Spuffy One-Shot**_

_Song: Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch_

_

* * *

Taking hold, breaking in_

You stood on the parapet of disaster,

reaching out to me

with alabaster hands.

I couldn't reach

for so long—

but now I know

that my hands

fits perfectly

in yours.

_  
The pressures on, need to circulate_

You lay on the bed,

reaching out to me,

with pleading eyes.

I couldn't make a move,

for so long,

but now I know

that your satin sheets

are the only ones

that feel right

beneath me.

_  
Mesmerized and taken in_

I stood on the edge of disaster,

looking for your loving gaze,

and when I found it,

I fell into the deep pool

it made—

_  
Moving slow, so it resonates_

I felt it resonate around me,

sweeping me into the dreamland

of perfection.

_  
It's time to rest, not to sleep away_

My body aches for sleep—

a reprieve from the endless dreams

of you—

_  
My thoughts alone, try to complicate_

But my mind holds on tightly,

clinging to

every thread left

of you.

_  
I'll do my best, to seek you out_

It knows that when I awaken,

you won't be there—

because I was too afraid

to take the risk.

And though I promise myself,

everyday,

to look for you—

I can't bring myself to put you

in so much pain.

_  
And be myself, and not impersonate _

­­You once said, 

that I came back 'wrong'—

truth is, baby,  
I've always been wrong.

I lie to myself,

about who I am

inside—

but I can't hide from you.

You pulled out the soul in me,

dangled it in my face,

like a puppet on a string,

and you told me that it was mine—

but that I didn't want it—

and until I did,

you couldn't believe anything

about me.

_  
I tried so hard to not walk away_

I called you a hypocrite,

and laughed in your face—

a creature without a soul of his own,

lecturing me

on the state of _my _own?

_  
And when things don't go my way_

I was defeated,

and I couldn't stand it—

so I attacked you,

when you weren't my

attacker.  
And you bled for me—

you ran away to prove me wrong.

Did you prove me wrong?

Do you have what I lost?

Did you find the soul,

you've always deserved?

_  
I'll still carry on and on just the same_

I'm no different,

though I cry a lot more—

I'm so in touch with my emotions…

now…

I think you'd be proud.

But you're not here

to prove me wrong,

and finish your job

of fixing me.

I came back wrong—

and now I'm broken.

And my protector is gone—

because I sent him away.

_  
I've always been strong  
But can't make this happen_

The Slayer,

they call me—

the killer of demons.

But what of my own demons?

Sometimes I think,

that I was meant to be one—

that maybe my destiny

is to become

what I've always been

afraid of.

_  
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in  
_

Can I be what you are?

So dark…

but so pure?

Can I retain that piece of soul

you loved so much?

And still hold on to you?

Take me in your arms,

come back to me,

I want to feel the cold press

of your skin

against my warmth,

and I want you to take it

from me—

make me cold,

like you—

with enough warmth

in my chest

to love you

forever.

_The fear of becoming_

Can I fight back the blood

that beckons you?

Can I stay pure,

like you—

or if I take this plunge,

will I become a demon—

like the one beating his wings

beneath my breast?

_  
I'm so tired of running_

But I'm tired of running from demons—

someone can take my place.

My friends all have run—

they don't see why I trust you.

They think I've died—

but haven't I?

I know my heart still beats,

but it hasn't seen the sun

since you left.

It's not warm

anymore.

_  
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breath you in  
I want to breathe you in_

Is that you

at the door?

Is that the sound

of a motorcycle—

the one I despised

but loved

at the same time?

Have you finally come home?

'Cause I need you in my arms—

I want to taste you,

smell you,

hear you,

feel you—

I want you see you

again.

I'm going in, so cover me 

I take the energy needed

to leave your bed—

the dust threading behind me

like forgotten

fingertips.

I open the door

and bring forth an apology—

a declaration.

I'm bearing my heart,

don't shred it—

take it,

take me—

cover me—

in leather

and incense

and heady natural

fragrance—

bathe me

in you.

_  
Your compass will, help me turn the page_

You push me away,

which is the right thing,

I suppose,

to do.

Because I'm still stuck

in the past

and you're holding

the passport

to the future.

But I'm blind to it,

I get lost in circles.

You yank on my chain

and suddenly I see—

you're guiding me

to something

brighter—

something new—

and opening to a splendid

new book.

_  
The laughing stock, I'll never be_

They've cried for me,

they've died for me,

they've bled for me,

they're _dead _for me,

but never once

have they laughed at me.

They've lied for me,

they've tried for me,

they've fled for me,

they're misled…

because of _me…_

but they have never once

laughed at me.

Not like you have,

not like you will…

again.

_  
Because I won't let them take me _

Because I won't let them 

get that far.

I won't let them touch upon

that weakness.

At least,

I wouldn't…

before.

You've always laughed

at me,

at yourself,

for me,

for yourself,

even for them.

And it didn't bring pain,

you didn't leave

when I wouldn't

laugh back.

You understood

that I was broken—

that _I _didn't understand.

And that I didn't know

that they knew too—

about my frenzied,

chipped,

and shattered state._  
_

_Insert another chorus and bridge here__)  
Took awhile to see all the love that's around me_

It took a while,

long nights

in a cold bed,

for me to see—

that I'd finally driven

all of you

away.

And that,

when you'd been here,

I'd been blind

to the love

surrounding me

so plainly.

Anyone could see it,

but I'm not anyone,

am I?

I'm a nothing

compared to them…

to their…your…

_humanity._

I'm broken.

_  
Through the highs and lows there's a truth that I've known_

But there's one thing I've always known,

somewhere in my half-dead

shell…

I knew that you loved me.

I couldn't accept it,

I didn't want it,

I didn't believe it,

I didn't understand it,

but I knew it.

And I knew that it would

never die.

_  
And it's you  
_

Sweet, alabaster prince,

once so broken…

now so pure.

You've come home

to take me in

and let me feel you

again.

_  
I've always been strong  
But can't make this happen_

The Slayer of demons

is too weak for this;

so you'll have to take

the first breath,

the first step.

A crooked smile?

A gentle gaze?

A cool touch?

A loving embrace?

_  
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in_

'Cause I'm drowning

in the silence—

I can see you,

but I can't feel you.

I'm standing right

in front of you,

but you won't speak,

won't breathe,

won't smile.

You won't kiss me,

talk to me…

even _yell _at me!

_  
The fear of becoming_

I see it,

there,

in your eyes—

that same fear.

I've changed,

I'm different now,

I'm still broken

but I'm not blind.

_  
I'm so tired of running_

I'm in your arms now,

but you're still not moving—

we're both so scared.

But I need you here

with me.  
I'm so tired of

the loneliness,

and this aching

inside.

Tears drip down my face,

and you look at me,

finally,

and you smile,

and start crying yourself—

fat droplets of salt,

dripping onto my face—

the sweetest rain.

_  
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in_

"Buffy, you're here." _Where else would I be?_

"How long have you been here?" _Months now, I suppose._

"Sweet rose petals, you smell good."_ So do you._

"But nothing's changed, has it?"

"Everything's changed, Spike." _My first words in so long._

Sweet blue eyes, alabaster skin, "Everything."

"Are you still the same?" _Do you still love me?_

"I still love you. But as for the whole of me, I can't say."

Bleeding heart, cracked lip, "Are you broken?" _Like me?_

Sweet tears, crooked smile, "Fixed, I'm afraid."

"Fixed?"

A hand on his chest—mine—and there's warmth there. "I'm different now."

Sweet realization, "Fixed?"

"Human, like you."

_Ugly tears…unwanted_. "I'm broken."

"Not anymore. I'm here with you. You're different. I can see it."

_Sobs from a healing heart—coming from me_; "I waited…for you…but they didn't understand. I tried…_so hard_…and they left me. I was so alone. I had to change. But I'm still broken."

_Pulled me into your arms—comfort, love, safety_; "I came back for you. They didn't leave you, Buffy. They went looking for me. They wanted to heal you. They wanted to fix you. But they couldn't. It wasn't there place."

"They don't like you."

"But they love you…and that's why I'm here. Because I love you and, for the first time, you admit you love me in return. And you love them, I know you do."

"They left me."

_You shaking your head, me biting my lip_: _Buffy said something bad; _"Only for a little while, pet. But you left them too. You locked yourself in here. They were so worried."

"They came…everyday. But I wouldn't leave."

"You needed me, they knew that."

_Out of your arms, out of my head…too many tears…too much._ "I need you."

"Yes, you do. Come here, love. We're going home—to your friends. And we're going to fix you. You're not broken. You're just…scratched."

_Back in your arms, back in my self…realization…completeness. _

"Spike…oh God…what happened to me? I'm a mess…"

"There you are, Buffy; we've been looking for you for a long time, love. You were gone for so long. We though we'd lost you forever."

"She's gone…" she said. "Oh God…Dawn's dead, Spike…" she sobbed. "And I…I hit you…I tried to kill…oh God…I'm sorry…so, so sorry."

"She's been dead for four years, Buffy." He opened his arms. "And so were you. But you're not dead anymore, Buffy. You're not broken anymore." He kissed her face, her lips, everywhere he could reach. "And I'll always forgive you."

"I love you…" she whispered.

"I know, pet. I love you too."


End file.
